This week is D R A G G I N G....

and I've found it a really emotional week for me :(

When this 15yr old girl passed away on Sunday, I've just been so consumed with sadness...each day several times I'd ask my kids 'what have you heard...' or 'how is so-an-so coping...'  I can't stop thinking and worrying WHAT IF it were my child - how would I cope?  The empty room...as they left it.  The 'mother' in me hurts for this girl and her family.

Then hubby's cousin passes away at 48yr old.  Leaving behind his younger wife, two sons (20 and 14) and a 4 week old grand daughter.  Now I'm terrified and can't stop worrying that hubby will pass away :(  It's just too much to be honest.  I'm usually 'fine' and 'cope' well with funerals and people passing away. But with all the 'too close to home' young people passing away recently, it's all too much I think.  It's bringing me down - and I don't want to be 'down' I don't want to be so pessimistic - how the hell can I snap out of this??

Now I'm torn, cos I really do want to go and help out with the feau's for hubby's cousin, as it's only a few minutes away form us, but I don't want baby to be passed around everyone who'll be there.  There are so many illnesses going around at the moment.  I'm proud of the fact that so far this winter, my little family have all managed to stay healthy - not even a sniffle...not even the baby!  I've just heard word that the burial won't be till the Monday AFTER Fathers day!!  That's 12 days AFTER the day he's passed away...seems a rather l o n g time to wait.

On other news...I've been feeling really tired lately - like 'exhausted' tired :(  The same 'tired' I felt during pregnancy, when I had to have an iron infusion at the hospital cos my iron levels were extremely low.  So I suppose I had better get myself to the docs sometime soon and get my bloods tested again.  Doesn't help the ol' diet is bad *sigh*.  NEED to take better care of myself.  I'm my own worst enemy at the best of times!!

Oh, also received 'the' letter yesterday saying my daughter hadn't been selected to go any further in the selection process for the scholarship she applied for.  Sad, but not bothered to be honest.  My eldest daughter is doing really well at the school she attends and my younger one will go there and she'll do just as well :)  On the plus side it also means that she'll continue on year 7 & 8 at the school she's at now, which is right next to our house.  Means no added expenses such as bus fare :)

I didn't mention the school trip my daughter wants to go to next year did I?  It's to the U.S.  17 days full on, action packed...trip of a life time basically.  I'm keen for her to go.  We gave her the deposit which had to be paid today.  *deep breath* $600.  Another $1000 needs to be paid first week of term 4 and another $1000 in the last week of term 4!  All up the cost of the trip is $5100. *checks pulse* lol.

We're hoping that she can pay for at least half of it herself, with either the part time job she just started (at hubby's work) and with fundraising...

What is also means is, the trip I had planned for me and all 5 of the kiddies back to Samoa this xmas to visit my mum and dad has been canned *sigh*   With the costs of that AND this school trip - it was all too stressful to think about and deal with. 

Just to brighten things up...a pic to brighten up my day :)  Enjoy :)

Hubby's cousin passed away.

they work together.  Hubby is a night time supervisor at their workplace and finished work this morning at  around 6am.  By the time he got home, I was up getting things ready for the kids...he ate, we chatted.  He told me he'd be starting work a little later this evening as he had to cover his cousin who told him he wasn't feeling well and would prolly take the following shift off.  When his cousin told him he wasn't feeling well, hubby told him to 'Go home...' but the cousin insisted he'd stay on till his shift finished later this morning.

Hubby went to sleep - my kids went off to school...I sat down to waste my day away on the computer feed the baby...when the phone rang just after 9am.  My brother (who also works at the same place - in fact 80% of the workforce there are related, and my miss 16 just started her part time job there last Saturday!)  so yeah - my brother called and said to tell hubby that his cousin had just passed away at work.
What. The. Heck?

By the time I hung up and ran to the bedroom hubby was already on his cell phone cos another cousin had called to tell him...hubby was in shock...felt guilty cos he should have MADE his cousin go home when he said he wasn't feeling well. 
He's feeling bad that of all places to pass away.
He passed away at work.
On the job.
Suddenly.

Hubby went to work.  I went and picked up MIL (who also works there!) and went to work with her.

The work had of course come to a standstill.  Tight-knit workers all standing around idle.  We went into the control room and there he was...his wife (yes - she works there too!) and his 20yr old son (yes he works there too!) and their 14yr old son standing around him, Shocked. Crying. Somehow existing.  I didn't know what to say...I felt like I was floating around in a dream.  There were around 5 other close family members in the room...I made a quiet exit back outside.

Unbelievable.  48yrs old.  Two young sons.  4 week old grand daughter. Wife. Elderly mother.  He's gone.  Just like that.  Gone.

Scholarships...

To any NZ parents with primary school aged kids of pacific decent...PLEASE bookmark this following link for future reference :)

Endeavour Scholarship

The school my little ones attend seem to always have at least one student every year who is successful in their application for this scholarship award.  I hadn't even heard of this scholarship at the primary school my older two went to.

Anyway, I had also forgotten all about this until two weeks ago.  So in a last minute dash, I fished out the application forms that I had 'filed' away under a pile of crap on my computer desk and proceeded to fill out the form and do what needed to be done.  I was so late in applying that I didn't want to risk the application getting lost/delayed in the post, so I hand delivered my daughter's application on the close off date (8th August).  Typical Samoan lol. 

Anywhoo...application was received and we were sent a letter the following day telling us what time and day the exam would be.

So on the 17th of August, I took my daughter to St Cuthberts School.  All together there were 59 girls and only 4 scholarships being offered.  I told my daughter before the exam that it wasn't only a 'test' but it was a competition - she had to do her best to try and beat the other girls.   I had also stressed to her that she DOES NOT need this scholarship to be the best that she WILL BE!  She will be successful at any school she attends and that we will be there to support her any way we can :)

She went in to do the test.  She came out.

I asked her how it went, she said 'it was ok...'.  Hmmm...anyway, I'm extremely proud of her regardless of how she did in this test.

From the 59 girls only 10 will make the shortlist, who then go onto an interview in front of a panel might as well be applying for a job with Donald Trump!

SO now we wait...

And to be completely honest...I couldnt' give two hoots if she gets it or not.  She is the awesome bright girl she is already and will continue to grow and be all that she can be with or with out this $17K a year school.

 Oh and please, any parents out there NZ WIDE with boys or girls starting intermediate school in the next few years, please keep this scholarship in mind...I don't feel the schools are promoting it enough.

Gone too soon...

just a quick blog this morning.  Around two months ago hubby came home and said one of the guys at work lost a 15 yr old niece to suicide... two weeks ago a beautiful 13yr old girl committed suicide and just over the weekend a gorgeous 15yr old girl was ill (suddenly) and passed away...

I never knew any of these girls personally...I knew of them via my kids FB pages (like you Sleepless in Samoa - I also stalk my kids pages).  My kids knew of them...and the girl who passed away this weeked was known to my kids.  My eldest daughter is good friends with the eldest brother and my son is friends with the younger brother.

When I heard of their passing, I was incredibly saddened, hurt, lost and felt a genuine sense of emptiness.  The thought of what the parents and siblings and extended families must be experiencing HURT ME...so much so that when my daughter told me of the girl who passed away over the weekend, after a while I said "You know what, it's just sooo sad and hurts so much that I'd rather not know about it...it's like I'd rather be in denial that gorgeous young people are dying each month, week, day :(  Whether they took their own life or by illness - NONE of them deserve to die. 

This morning my son who is friends with the younger brother of the girl who passed away over the weekend had put photos of her on his facebook page...I saw them and just burst into tears.  Tears are welling up as I type now...

Imagine losing a child...coming home to their bedrooms...their possessions as they left them.  What were your last words with them before they left?  It hurts to think about it...it hurts to imagine that it could be one of my own.  The void left in my life if I lost one of my own...grief beyond my worst nightmares.

Having said all that though, I have lost a child.  My second child, a daughter, shortly after her birth.  We found out at my routine 18 week scan that she wouldn't make it.  I chose to continue with the pregnancy.  I had the memories of my pregnancy, memories of labouring through the birth knowing she wouldn't survive, to deal with - some how I made it through.  Some how BOTH my partner and I made it though and we went on to be blessed with another 4 children.

Anyway...maybe I'm too emotional?  But the mother in me hurts.  Is it horrible of me to want to not hear about these things happening?  To deny it happens so I don't feel this way unless I HAVE TO? *sigh* 

t.b.c...

Cowboy Builders...

Grrr.  Where do I start! 

The main entrance to our very humble home is via a sliding door with two small vertical windows to the side.  It was the original sliding door from when the house was built backin '1970 something' when Buck Rogers was a little boy...

Problem is that the track was broken beyond repair.  How the hell it got so broken and beat up is completely beyond me!!  But it was.  To open it you had to put all your effort and skill into 'jumping it' and 'jimmying it' on several occasions the whole door came out of the door frame completely LOL...and then we had to go around the outside and quite easily put it back into the frame again...yes, it was completely hilarious at the time too...me and my children have had many laughing fits and happy memories created because of this door...

Anyway, over a year ago my BIL said he had a friend who owed him a favor and that he could 'hook' us up with an new sliding door..."sure" we said...thank you.  A month later, we asked him when his friend might be available..."I'll call him and ask..."says BIL.  Then again just before Xmas last year we asked again if the friend was available...and again we got the same answer.  By then I was had enough and though 'fark it..'

Then this year in Feb, I start babysitting BIL's infant child...and to rub it in his face, when he came to pick his son up, I'd make him have a fit to open the sliding door.  After the first couple of days he mentioned his friend again...I didn't bother to answer him,

Then two months ago we decided to give his friend one last chance...and low and behold, two weeks later, BIL and his friend turn up to measure the door!!  I was home at the time...they did their measuring...and at the end of it BIL called me over and introduced me.  'Friend' then proceeded to tell me that my new would be half door (no mention of a side window panel like the existing one).  Immediately I'm thinking there is no window cos it's wayyyy easier to just divide the space in half and make it just one whole sliding door, SO I said, "Oh, so no window?"  The friend looked at my BIL and gave a little laugh and said "Oh - ok...we'll put a small window on the side (and pointed to where it would be)"

Then two weeks later they finally turn up on a Saturday and proceed to install the sliding door...I get excited and go ahead and cook them an awesome meal to take when they were done. 

So the old sliding door gets taken out....new frame put in...so far so good.  Then the glass...there are four huge panels...and I'm starting to think 'where the fark is my window??'  So I whispered to hubby "where is the farking window?"  Then hubby goes over to the guys and tells them that I'm asking where the window is...and the friend proceeds to tell him that "Oh don't worry, don't worry - the window is coming...I'll be back to put the window in..."

*sigh*

By the time they were done, (remember there are four huge sections for the glass to go)
Section 1 - is fine
Section 2 - is tinted glass
Section 3 - is broken glass
Section 4 - has a huge 'something' spray painted on it and small scratches

I. AM. NOT. IMPRESSED.

The following Monday the friend turns up to measure the 'window' and tells us that when he 'drew' up the plan, he showed BIL who 'passed' it.  And tells us that one of the sections is supposed to be one large window.  I tell him that would be really dumb...way too big and at a perfect height for the kids to hurt themselves when it was opened.  So then he says that he can put a window horizontally at the top part of one of the sections...but it might look funny AND he's have to think of a way to put this window in without having to take the entire frame back out!!

WELL. FUCK. ME.

He tells us he'll be back next Monday (which is Monday just gone) and leaves...but not before asking my hubby to hook his son up with a part time job at his work place!!  Ummm 'scuse me?? 

So Monday has obviously passed...today is Thursday.  And he didn't turn up.  I've been thinking about this farking window/sliding door and getting really pissed off.  First of all...I asked for a window.  They said they'd put one in.  Frame goes up - there is NO window.  We ask where it is and are told 'don't worry, there is one, it will go in'.  But then when he turns up he tells us that the window he's going to put in is going to require taking the whole frame out...so he'll have to think of a way of putting it in without taking the whole frame out...so how the hell was he going to put the window in that he first said was supposed to be there??  He would have had to take the whole frame out to put it in...so wakey wakey...there WAS NO WINDOW TO START WITH.

I'M PISSED OFF.

For the price we paid, we could have got a secondhand one (working perfectly fine!!) WITH a farking window!  Hired a small truck to bring it home...and hubby could have installed it.  In fact I prolly would have had a bit left over to buy me a bottle of hot stuff (if I wasn't breastfeeding of course!) and hubby a box of beer.

BLOODY COWBOY BUILDERS!

I'm annoyed at BIL who went on and on about his 'friend'. 
I'm annoyed at the friend for ignoring me asking for the window.
I'm annoyed at the both of them for lying to me about there being a window in the first place, when clearly there isn't one.
I'm sure there are other things I'm annoyed at but just can't think straight at the moment lol.

So anyway...after stewing it over, yesterday I got hubby to call BIL, tell him to tell his cowboy sidekick to NOT bother putting in any window at all...but for his friend to come over and replace the 3 dodgy glass panels and put the handle/lock on (yes...that's right, the lock/handle hasn't even been put on yet...our home security consists of a long piece of wood to stop the door opening *sigh*) and that is it...nothing more nothing less.  Hubby gets off the phone and I asked him what BIL has to say.  Hubby said BIL asked him why we didn't want the window put in, hubby told him, it's ok...it's alright as it is.  I snapped and told him he should have told BIL that the window his friend was proposing to put in would look ridiculous and that it wasn't what we asked for...of course hubby being the quiet kind natured man he is, didn't say any of that...
SO apparently Cowboy will be over on Saturday to finish the job...I will NOT be cooking jack shite for him, you can bet on that.  And as we have paid a fair price but got a raw deal...I will be making sure that I get all three bloody glass panels replaced with NEW glass.

As for his son getting a part time job - good luck with that.  You do a half ass job for us and expect a favour...I don't think so mate.  And who the hell told him hubby could even get him a job??  That's right BIL - who must have spun shit to him that hubby was some hot shot at work and blah blah blah...why the hell would hubby put his good name on the line for someone he doesn't even know??  Sheesh...and if you expect a huge favour like that (considering that we are paying you more than enough for your labour) wouldn't you even TRY and do a half decent job of our sliding door?  Instead of doing the 'easy' one whole piece - no windows version?  Ki'o ia.

Grrr so much to blog about!!

from scholarships to cowboy builders!!  Just so tricky finding the time to 'get into it' when baby is asleep - seems when she is sleeping, there is a mountain of other things that /i need to get done around the house *sigh* What I *need* is a laptop.... so till I find the right time where my blogging juices are flowing and I have more than one hand to type with lol...please stay tuned :)